Wedding Bell Blues
by TokyoJunk
Summary: When Nero met Lady at Dante and Trish's wedding, it was snark at first sight. Despite them starting off on the wrong foot, the pair experience a night they would never forget. If only that was a good thing. AU. Slight Lady/Nero.
1. Always the Bridesmaid

**Note:** A prologue that's short and sweet. Enjoy!

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><p>-1-<p>

Lady stood against the wall, bored and a little tired from having to stand in five inch heels. She pushed her sunglasses up into her hair and watched the commotion unfold in front of her. Like a child who'd just kicked over a neatly built ant hill, she was currently watching in fascination at how the ants ran about in sheer panic. She'd smirk at it all, but she didn't want to risk giving away her position of trying to blend into the wall. So far, none of the other bridesmaids paid her any mind and she preferred to keep it that way. Instead, they were too busy asking each other inane questions and Lady doubted they'd want her opinion on such sensitive matters. _Is my hair alright?_ It's okay, if you think cow licks are cool. _Do I have lipstick on my teeth?_ Not on all of them. _Can you see my bra straps?_ I think you should worry about the zit that's trying to conquer your forehead, though it might make a good distraction from the bra situation.

She was tempted to go over and stand with the group of groomsmen on the opposite side of the room. Some were chatting idly while others wore bored expressions of glassy soulless eyes. She could go over and stand there with them, but as exciting as the thought of letting her eyes glaze over, it meant giving away her current position of trying to blend into the cream colored wall in her coral colored tube dress. That was a risk Lady wasn't willing to take and now that she thought about it, going over to the other side meant dragging her baggage along with her.

Out of all the bridesmaids, Lady was the only one without a date. Correction: Lady was the only one without a human date. Lady's current date was Dante's beloved mutt, a black Labrador-Bloodhound mix named Reuben, who was currently resting on his paws by her feet.

She blamed Vergil for this. He was supposed to be her date to this shindig, but the dork backed out on her at the last minute. Something about a freak hail storm grounding his flight in Italy, which left her dateless and almost out of the wedding (she almost did a dance she was so happy and made a note to send Vergil an Italian call girl when she got the chance—he wouldn't like it, but it was the thought that counted) until Trish, the bride to be, refused to let her off that easily. Trish said she didn't care who Lady brought to the wedding, whether it was a bum off the street or Dante's dog, Lady was going whether Trish was going to drag her kicking and screaming or not. Suffice to say, all the bums wanted booze or sex and Lady wasn't willing to bend to either of those demands. So she settled for the dog. Though she still sent Vergil his call girl, an Italian woman in her sixties named Lolita. She hoped Vergil was kept plenty busy with a woman who's been around the block a few hundred times.

"Lady, we're starting."

Lady pulled her sunglasses down, fixing her bangs around them a little. Sure, wearing them to a wedding ceremony might have been a little tacky, but as it was, the wedding was on the beach. And despite it being late in the afternoon, the sun still managed to shine brightly in the cloudless sky, which meant she needed them to avoid tripping down the isle.

Lady pushed herself off the wall and picked up Rueben's leash, tugging it gently. The dog, as if knowing what to do, sat up, alert, and barked.

"Come on, boy. It's time for a walk," She said, getting ready to stand at the end of the line. The dog obeyed and pit-patted along side her.

She stood in her line and he stood in his.

"Let's get this over with," she mumbled after a sigh.

Rueben, sensing her dread, gave an encouraging bark. Lady looked down at the dog, but her expression remained lackluster.

"You're right. There is cake at the end of this," she replied.

The music began and soon they began their trip down the isle.


	2. Don't you want me, baby?

-2-

Nero was surprised he made it to the little shindig after almost missing his flight. He missed the nuptials and came right on time to watch the end of the speeches. Not that he missed much even if he _were _to make it on time since he'd probably sleep through most of that stuff with his headphones on anyway. So missing most of the ceremony didn't particularly irk him as he tossed his wedding present on the gift table. He was pretty sure he heard something crack in one of the other boxes after he tossed in his, but Nero just adjusted his hoodie accordingly, making sure the hood wasn't caught in the collar of his blazer. Satisfied with how it felt and looked, Nero slipped his headphones down his neck and went in search of his name on the party table roster.

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><p>Lady was bored.<p>

She really wasn't into weddings or the receptions or catching the bouquet. As it was, she was barely awake through the nuptials, grateful that her sunglasses gave off the appearance that she was paying attention. And as maid of honor, she made her speech short and sweet because unlike the rest of the speech givers, she left her list of corny-cringe worthy jokes at home. Weddings just weren't worth going to, what with the obnoxious relatives that insisted on remembering who she was regardless of the fact that she wasn't related or the pretty looking cake that tested like crap, or the open bar that never seemed to serve any decent cocktails. But somehow she was either blackmailed or guilt tripped into going to them and like an idiot, she'd hope for something different, for things to change, only to end up disappointed hung-over the next day. Trish was one of her best friends, so it was a no brainer that she had to participate in her special day. Though, Lady wondered if Trish was worth sitting at a table, sober, having to withstand the crazed ramblings of a stuttering idiot obsessed with roaches or whatever she was pretending to listen to.

"D-d-did you know that beetles are blind and can only c-communicate using vibrations, sounds, and pheromones?" the man looked at her with a slight hunger in his eyes as he licked his lips, rubbing his hands in delight.

Lady sighed as she ate another mouthful of chocolate cake, hoping he was excited about the cake she was currently eating than the thought of covering her in beetles.

The man fixed his monocle, hunching over slightly as he looked at her. "The dark hue of your cake reminds me of the dung beetle, and how it steadily rolls a p-p-piece of dung to its habitat," he whispered.

Lady put her fork down and pushed her plate away.

Well, there went her appetite, which was a shame because it was good cake.

"Would you like to hear about my theories on how beetles once were the ancient ancestors of today's modern demons?"

Lady raised an eyebrow and signaled for a waiter.

She was not drunk enough for this.

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><p>Fifteen minutes and one cheek pinching awkward conversation with a lost relative later, Nero finally made it to his table. There were two guests already there, one of which he immediately recognized as Agnus, a college professor from his school, who was notoriously known for his obsession with beetles and the occult. The man was good friends with his girlfriend's brother, Credo. Nero guessed that the bug obsessed man was there in Credo's place since he was gone on a special assignment or whatever.<p>

Nero finally looked at the second guest, a woman he'd never seen before. She was idly poking at her cake as Agnus chatted energetically, his hand gestures getting more and more animate as he babbled on about something Nero was sure was as interesting as watching paint dry.

The woman had cropped layered black hair and wore amber tinted sunglasses. He saw her scoop up a dollop of frosting with her finger and with a few languid swipes of her tongue the frosting was gone. She appeared to look up at him and he averted his eyes quickly, looking down and feeling like a child being caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. A slight heat crawled up his neck, making him turn his face away as he pretended to have an itch on his nose. _Real smooth_, he thought to himself and he hoped she hadn't noticed his staring. To his relief, she either didn't notice or didn't care. At that point, he decided to go and interrupt the riveting conversation Agnus was having with the air, to introduce himself. Seeing as he was destined to that table anyway, might as well make friends with a woman who could withstand Agnus's company for more than five minutes without turning to alcohol.

He saw her down an entire glass of wine in one go and he mentally sighed. Well...there went that hope.

Nero took the empty seat next to her and gave her a curt nod. At first, she looked at bit startled at his sudden presence but then he felt her examine him through her shades. He didn't feel as uncomfortable as he thought he should have felt at having a stranger give him the once over, but that might have been because he was sure she was drunk and trying to figure out whether or not he was Dante.

That didn't appear to be the case as she looked to be rolling her eyes at him. She snapped her fingers and called out for a waiter and he was sure he heard her mumble something about not being drunk enough which made Nero narrow his gaze at her slightly.

"T-think of the p-possibilities! Demons would change mankind forever!"

The waiter finally appeared, looking annoyed. She waved him off after taking another glass of wine.

"J-just think of it! Compared to them, we are powerless…u-unless, of course, we're able to find a way to harness their…p-p-power." Agnus's forehead leered with glee as he grinned mischievously.

The woman took a deep sip of her wine, unfazed by the man's gibberish. Nero decided that if she wasn't going to take the bait to mock Agnus, then he was going to bite.

"You might as well stop talking, I don't think anyone's home," he said, slouching a bit in his seat as he got comfortable. He saw a thin eyebrow arch and expected some kind of retort, but she remained silent, taking another long swig of her wine.

"When did you get here?" Agnus grit.

"I sat down somewhere between your sputtering for power and her twelfth glass."

He looked at her now, hoping to see her reaction at the jokes he was making at her expense. He was pleasantly surprised to see her smirk into glass.

Agnus was less amused as his big lips frowned and his eyes almost disappeared into his face.

"Mind that mouth of yours, boy. Or I will."

"How are you going to S-st-top me?"

"N-n-now you listen here!"

"Now boys." A pair of pale manicured hands appeared from behind Agnus. "It's my party, and I can make you cry if I want to," Trish said, resting her hands on his shoulders, which made Agnus immediately tense.

"If it isn't the b-b-beautiful bride," he stuttered. "May I p-pl-please be e-ex-excused?"

Nero could see how uncomfortable Agnus was as Trish loosened her grip on his shoulders. He almost felt sorry for the stuttering idiot, almost being the operative word. She slowly slid her hands down his chest and stopped when her lips were barely brushing his earlobe.

"You're excused." Trish grinned.

Agnus barely managed to untangle himself as he bolted upwards. The bride laughed as she brought her hands back and watched him disappear into the sea of tables and guests.

"I have to say Trish, I'm impressed." The woman with the shades looked amused, sitting back in her chair as she crossed one of legs over the other. "So, are you going to do me the favor of working that magic on junior over here?"

He couldn't say he was exactly surprised by her snark since she seemed relatively amused by his mocking of Agnus earlier. So the woman had the potential to put together a zinger or two? Cute. He'll let it slide since he took a couple of swipes at her earlier.

"Sorry, I'm a serious married woman now," Trish said, sitting down in Agnus's chair. "Looks like you're on your own, sweetheart."

"So what's the deal with the littlest Sparda?"

Nero gave the woman a disapproving glare.

"Guess."

"You mean this kid's actually related to that big dork of yours?"

Trish smirked.

"He's our love child," the blond grinned.

He watched the woman give him the once over again, only this time she seemed to look more amused than unimpressed like before.

"I believe it," she said, turning to Trish. "Though he's a little big for someone who's supposed to be twelve."

Nero raised an eyebrow. "I'm right here you know."

"He's a distant relative," Trish continued, ignoring him.

"Not distant enough," he grumbled.

"Tough luck, kid," the woman smirked.

As if being ignored wasn't annoying enough, Trish just had to point out that he was a blood relative. Sure, his looks were a strike against him if he ever tried to deny it, but at least he could argue he was an albino or something.

The sound of a heavy guitar rift cut through the air, shaking the crystal wear on the tables. Dante had managed to swipe one of the guitars the band had left unattended and was currently trying to belt his way through a Human League song.

"_Don't you want me baaaaybeeee! Don't you want me oooooooooooh!_"

Nero could feel his teeth begin to grind on their own accord as Dante's tone-deaf voice made him want to claw his eyes out.

Trish looked on almost lovingly at her new husband, but sighed as she gathered her dress and stood up.

"Looks like the wild beast needs some taming."

"I'd love to help, but I left my tranquilizer gun at home," the woman chimed, taking another sip of her wine.

Trish laughed. "If that's the case, then I'll leave to babysitting duties to you, Lady." Trish said with a wink before leaving.

Nero rolled his eyes at Trish's remark.

"You're at least potty trained right?"

Nero snorted. "Are you grandma?" he quipped back.

The woman gave him a thumbs-up as she finished the rest of her wine.

Nothing was said for a while as the sounds of Dante's gruff singing and people cheering and singing along took the place of conversation. Nero decided that he had enough of his ears bleeding and decided that it was best to distract himself with conversation.

"So what's your name?" he finally asked her.

She looked up from poking at her cake, her face blank of any emotions.

"Lady."

"Your _real_ name."

"I don't have one."

He felt his eyebrow involuntarily twitch.

"Alright then, so where's your date?"

"Currently drinking from a water bowl," she replied.

"Is that sarcasm for everyone? Or am I a special case?"

"Kid, I wish I was joking about my canine date." Lady finished the rest of her wine and got up, smoothing our her dress.

"You coming or not?"

Nero blinked for a moment, the question throwing him off for a bit.

"What?"

She didn't bother answering, choosing to apply a light coat of lip-gloss instead.

He wondered if she heard him or even cared. She snapped her small handbag shut after making sure her sunglasses looked okay.

"Fine. Suit yourself."

And before Nero could conjure up some sort of retort, Lady was gone. He kicked his ass into gear as he got up and pushed his chair out of the way.

"You're leaving?" he called out, almost tripping on a chair left out by a guest. He resisted the urge to curse under his breath as he shoved the damn thing out of his way.

She didn't stop at his inquiry, nor did she slow down for him to properly catch up.

"Come on kid," she said, stopping. He finally caught up with her, giving her a smoldering glare which failed to have any affect.

"You can't expect me to stay here when the open bar and entertainment leave so much to be desired," she said, pointing to Dante.

"_Hold on! It's never enough! It's never enough until your hearts stops beating!_" Dante sang while dancing on a table.

"I flew out here and spent yesterday being bridezilla's slave. The least I can do is get a little fun out of this."

Nero agreed with her to an extent. Weddings weren't really his thing and if given the chance to escape the sappy love vows, cheesy best man speech, and awkward dinner conversation with members of your table-of who are people you've never met before or distant relatives that you don't remember seeing before-Nero would be like a demon out of hell.

But at the same time he was there for a reason. It might not have been out of his free will, but he had a sense of moral obligation, which surprised him since he didn't think he had one anyway, much less one owed to Dante of all people. So this woman, this so called _Lady_, a bridesmaid from the looks of what she's wearing, should have had a bigger obligation to stay at the party.

Which made him finally ask the question he'd been dodging his brain the moment he pushed his chair out to stand up: why was he following her?

"Won't they need you or something?"

"If you're that concerned, then you're welcome to stay and be my understudy."

"Like hell I will."

Lady offered her hand. "Then shall we?"

"Got a place in mind?" he asked, walking head of her.

"Someplace where no one can find us, obviously."

He stopped in mid-stride, his eyes wide at the implication.

"Hey! I have a girlfriend."

Lady snorted. "Congratulations, want a prize?"

"If you're looking for that kind of fun, I suggest you sink those cougar fangs of yours into the waiters," he pointed to a poor bastard trying to make his way through a sea of rambunctious children. "After all, they were desperate enough to take on busing tables, I'm sure they'll be desperate enough for you if you pay them enough."

Lady crossed her arms over her chest.

"Kid, you look like you can't screw your way out of a box, let alone know what to do with a woman like me."

His eyes narrowed murderously.

"So trust me, that's not the kind of fun I'm looking to have with you of all people. Coming here was punishment enough; I don't need to rub salt in the wounds by having to teach you how to fuck too."

Nero felt his shoulders stiffen in anger.

"I'd rather have it chewed off than put it near you," he grit.

Lady smirked. "That's right, because you have a girlfriend to take care of that," She said, snorting a chuckle.

"Screw this."

Following her was an obvious mistake.

"Later, kid."

And with that she was gone without so much as a backward glance to see if he would follow. Not that he would anyway. Like he wanted to hang out with someone that was just going to belittle him for the enjoyment of her low self-esteem.

"What the hell was wrong with me?" He muttered to himself as he went to find the exit.


	3. Think you can keep up?

Note: Oh hey, long chapter before I take a short break. I'm glad everyone's enjoying this. Also, to answer some questions that I got: Vergil will not be appearing (though I have a separate project planned for him in the future) and I address the Kyrie issue in this chapter. Nero is a good boyfriend okay. Totally faithful and what not! Anyway, enjoy this chapter!

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><p>-3-<p>

Lady wasn't going to let someone being a complete ass-hat ruin her evening. If the kid wanted to throw a bitch fit because he couldn't handle a couple of jokes at his expense then he was of no loss to her. She had better things to do with herself.

"Hey sexy, wanna go to a party?"

Like being sexy and going to a party.

"Sure," she said, shrugging. She joined the group of drunken frat boys as they laughed and hollered down the street, excited about beer or tits or both.

She tore off and tossed away her corsage, making sure to also shorten her tube dress since she wasn't at the wedding anymore. They finally reached the large house decorated with Greek letters and a lawn swarming with loud college students.

"Welcome beautiful." The guy at the door smiled as he stamped her hand. His eyes never wavered from her chest.

"Are you 21?" he asked, hoping that a compliment and what he thought was a charming smile would get him brownie points with her.

"Yes, the girls are 21." she smiled. "Now move before all the good alcohol is gone." She shoved him aside and went in.

It was a typical house party, full of underage drinking and horrible pop music to appeal to the girls the boys hoped to sleep with that night. Not that these kids needed crappy music to get laid because from the massive army of cheap alcohol bottles assembled on the kitchen counter, they had enough shitty alcohol to knock down an elephant.

Speaking of horrible booze, Lady was going to have to put her former bar-tending skills to good use. Just because she was supplied with bad alcohol didn't mean she had to endure horrible drinks. She grabbed a bottle of Devil's Springs vodka and went to work.

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><p>Nero wandered into the party about an hour later, frowning at the dumb stamp on his hand and the fact that his wallet was five bucks short. Guess with the girls going in for free the frat boys had to make their money by taking his. After blowing Lady off, he thought about going to his hotel room and just calling it a night. But the idea of turning in so early made him uncomfortable, especially when she probably expected that from him. Nero wasn't the type to let what others thought bother him, but that woman had a way of getting under his skin. He could just picture her smiling smugly and frankly that just pissed him off. Who was she to judge him? She wasn't any better than him and was most likely knocking boots with some desperate waiter. He felt more at ease with that thought and looked around the crowded living room. Everyone was either over drinking or over sexed. A few girls winked his way and he walked on, ignoring them. He managed to somehow get through the herd of dancing drunk people and got to a line that led to the source of everyone acting like inhibitions were a thing of the past.<p>

Nero wasn't a big drinker, but if he was going to come and suffer through this frat party he might as well get something out of it. Even if that something was cheap alcohol and being "accidentally" groped by a horny college girl or two.

He wondered why everyone was waiting on line instead of just going to the counter and taking whatever they wanted. Was there some kind of alcohol cap? From how drunk everyone seemed to be he didn't think so. He moved forward to skip when the guy in front stopped him.

"Hey, don't cut! I finally got a twenty!"

Nero raised an eyebrow. Twenty dollars for cheap booze? No college student would be willing to part with that much money over shitty alcohol. Something was up.

"What's going on up there?" he asked.

Cheering and laughter could be heard from the counter.

"Dude! There's this really hot chick making everyone drinks."

Nero nodded. "Let me guess, she's making everyone drinks while offering something on the side?"

The guy's lips slit into a huge grin. He beckoned Nero with a finger to come closer to hear a secret.

"She'll let you squeeze her tits for the right price." The guy reeked of beer and dipping tobacco.

"A twenty?" Nero pulled back, getting away from the guy's sickly smell.

"Yes! How did you know?"

Nero rolled his eyes and made the guy turn forward since he had no further use of him. The crowd up front broke into another cheer. He decided the girl up there had no self respect and was probably someone with huge daddy issues if she was willing to just flash her tits to anyone. Charging twenty bucks for a grope? Daddy must've cut her off. Maybe he could get her to flash him and he can act unimpressed just to knock her down a peg or two. Though, knowing him, the plan would backfire and the girl would want to show him more than just her silicone globes and he wasn't in the mood to fight off her drunken advances. Being randomly groped was just fine for tonight.

"This taken?" He felt thin arms enveloped him from behind.

"Yes, hands off," he said, peeling the young woman off. He wondered if being there was even worth it anymore.

The line finally moved after the crowd dispersed. Nero could finally see the counter now and to his surprise and horror he saw _her._ Pink tube dress, cocksure smirk, and amber tainted shades. She wasn't doing much—emptying out a bottle of vodka into a shaker—but it was enough to make his nerves bristle. She was the last person he wanted to see and the urge to leave the line rose. He could save himself a headache if he left without her noticing.

"Finally! My turn!" The guy in front of him took out his twenty and licked his lips excitedly.

Or he could get a quick photo of her acting like a gold digging whore on his iPhone for blackmail.

Nero stayed and moved up in line to get a better view.

"I got my twenty." The guy handed Lady his money. She took it with a sly smirk on her lips. " Now let me feel those bad boys."

He leaned forward and Nero took that as his cue to take out his phone. Lady pulled back slightly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Close your eyes."

Nero snorted. The guy in front of him would have to be a complete idiot to fall for such a trite trick.

"Okay!"

What a dumbass. Lady produced two stress balls and handed them to the idiot with his eyes closed. Surely the guy couldn't be that drunk to not know the difference between stress balls and actual breasts.

"Oh yeah! They feel amazing," he said, giving the stress balls a nice firm squeeze.

Nero felt his jaw go slack. It was actually _working_? They were just stress balls and they weren't even the same size as her—

Lady smirked when she caught him looking.

"See something you like?"

A slight heat spread out on the bridge of his nose and onto his cheeks. Nero focused his gaze on the counter, trying his best to control the anger bubbling inside of him.

"Not even if you were the last woman on the planet," he grit because he knew better. It wasn't like he was looking with interest anyway because he was trying to gauge their size in comparison to the stress balls. So really, he was just making an observation in order to prove his hypothesis. Which was that the two did not equate in terms of size and mass. So in conclusion, Nero was looking at her tits for science.

Lady removed the stress balls from the drunken guy's hands. He opened them, giving her a glazed dreaming look as she fixed her top a bit to make it appear as though she actually let him cop a feel.

"Thanks," he sighed, happily.

"You're welcome, handsome."

Nero moved up, disappointed at his lack of blackmail material.

"I can't believe that actually worked."

Lady smirked, tossing the twenty into a bucket of money. "Yeah well, they're too drunk and stupid to know the difference or catch on." Nero raised an eyebrow at the bucket of money.

"You don't like my grope bucket?"

"Grope bucket?"

"There's about five hundred dollars in here."

"Holy—"

"So what would you like, kid?" She got the shaker ready.

"What? I don't get offered a squeeze?"

She tossed him a stress ball.

"Squeeze away, it's on the house." She loaded the shaker with some ice. "So what will it be?"

"I don't know, as an alcoholic, what would you recommend?" He asked, squeezing the stress ball as tight as he could and wouldn't you know it, he was a little less angry.

"Judging from your pout, how about a Shirley temple?"

He tried not to pout, opting for a more pissed off frown as he squeezed the stress ball as hard as he could muster again. But that only made her raise her sunglasses at him for a wink. He noticed her bi-color eyes as well as the light scar across the bridge of her nose. Unusual, he thought, but hardly an attention grabber for him when she was this walking contradiction.

Even as she made whatever it was she was making with the sea of alcohol bottles at her fingertips, she moved with such finesse and quickness that it was hard to tell if she was pulling tricks. Was she a professional bartender? Or was she just really good at messing around? It bothered him that he didn't even know her real name. If it had been anyone else, he wouldn't have really bothered to care, but she was different in that she was also a threat. She was an invisible enemy he was at the mercy of and Nero hated being at a disadvantage, especially with someone who matched him tit for tat in the snark department without much effort.

"So, I'm guessing you're here to recapture whatever youth you missed out on?" he asked, tossing the stress ball over his shoulder. He thought he heard someone being hit, but he was pretty sure they deserved it.

Lady chuckled, getting two glasses.

"Nope, I'm just here to sink my cougar claws into the pool of unsuspecting youth since no real man would want me." She poured the mixture from the shaker into the glasses and handed him one.

"Good thing their combined IQ is about a seven. Makes it easier for them to fall for your obvious tricks."

"Of course," she said, raising her glass. "Cheers."

He watched her drink from her glass before taking a sip of his own. To his surprise it actually tasted good. Considering the cheap alcohol she was working with, he thought it was going to taste like ass.

"Is this your way of apologizing to me or are you calling a truce?" he asked in between sips.

"Neither."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Think of it as an introduction."

"First impression?"

Lady shrugged. "Why not?"

"Well this impression isn't any better than your real first one." He snorted thinking that scamming college boys—no matter how stupid and drunk they appeared to be—out of their money using her tits wasn't any better than her being a rude bitch earlier, despite him being an asshole to her first.

"What are you taking about? You're almost done with your drink!" she pointed. "I must say that makes you fond of me even by a little."

Just because he enjoyed the drink she made him didn't mean he liked her any more than before.

"Whatever." He downed the rest of his glass.

Lady finished the rest of hers and reached for a pack of beer.

"Want to play beer pong with me?"

As tempting as the offer sounded, he just couldn't shake the feeling that this was not going to end well. "I don't want to play," he said, placing his glass down.

"Oh come on, we'll play using this kitty beer." She showed him the Mike's Hard beer as well as a bag of stacked cups. "Plus, my aim is terrible so you'll probably end up winning."

He didn't know if he could trust her. Something told him that she was like a serpent. Smooth and cunning with her words as she slithered and coiled around you, hypnotizing you until the first strike. How many men has she lured with empty promises and false hopes? How many have dropped dead before they realized she'd already bitten them? He tried to discern her ulterior motive but he couldn't read her well with those damn sunglasses she had on.

"Fine." Finding out meant giving in and he knew it was a small loss compared to the war he mentally declared on her.

"Good." she smirked, walking past him, the bottles in the pack of beer clinking together in tune with the sway of her hips. His eyes automatically followed and he realized then that he'd been bitten. He mentally cursed himself.

They walked towards the back of the house where the party spilled out into the yard. They found an empty table on the back porch that looked to be the designated beer pong table if all the half empty cups of beer and random ping-pong balls were anything to go by. Lady swiped two ping-pong balls from a bowl near some potted plants and tossed one at Nero, who caught it with ease. After she split the beer and cups between them, they began setting up. Neither said anything as they worked and Nero was grateful because he wasn't sure what else to say.

"Okay. So this is how it's going to work." Nero looked up from pouring the last of the beer into one of his cups. "Every shot you make, you get to ask me a question and vice versa if I make a shot. Drinking is optional given the fact that these things are filthy."

Nero scrunched his nose at the dirty ping-pong ball.

"First to eliminate all their opponents cups not only wins, but gets away knowing more about the other."

He nodded. Fair enough. He'd played the game enough times when he was in school and he had great aim.

"Lady's first," he said, going for the old bow and scrape routine as he mocked his respect for her.

"So classy and gentlemanly."

She got ready, looking at which cup she wanted to target with such concentration Nero thought it was almost cute in a pathetic sort of way. It was like watching a puppy trying to jump up a really high bed only to reach the edge and fall right off.

She threw the ball and Nero watched it land swiftly in the farthest cup of his formation. He looked surprised at first before suspicion set in. He looked at her, but she didn't seem to be bothered by his scornful gaze. Instead, she just shrugged.

"Lucky shot?"

He sighed.

"What do you want to know?" He removed the ball and set the cup aside.

She pondered a bit, opening one of her bottles and emptying it into a cup. She took a sip and wrinkled her nose from either the bubbles or the taste.

"Okay, here's my question. Where's your date?"

"You work fast."

She shrugged, drinking from her cup again. "Innocent question. Means nothing."

"Then why ask it?"

"Because I'm curious why a cute kid like you would be dateless on a night like this."

"You think I'm cute?" He was amused that she of all people would be interested in him. Though given her behavior he wouldn't be surprised if she liked him. She reminded him of those kids that teased the ones they liked, because they didn't know how to express their emotions.

"Sure. I find you cute in the same way I find feral ferrets that foam at the mouth cute." she smiled, taking another drink.

His mouth hardened into a scowl. Alright then, his mistake for giving her the benefit of the doubt.

"What was your stupid question again?"

"Where's your date?"

"Currently studying abroad."

Lady winced.

"What?"

"Nothing." she said, forcing a smile. "I'm sure she's having a wonderful time."

He ignored her, taking aim at one of her cups. The ball bounced off the rim and landed somewhere on the ground. He couldn't help but suspect that she moved one of her cups without him noticing. He said nothing, knowing that she'd deny it. She picked up his stray ball and made her second shot without much effort.

"Where abroad is she?"

"Brazil," he said in a clipped tone.

"Brazil?" Lady sucked her teeth, shaking her head in sympathy.

He glared at her. "What?"

"I'm sure she's fine and totally not surrounded by ridiculously good looking men."

He blinked. "She's what?"

"Think of it this way, kid. If she cheats, it doesn't really count!" she quipped, bouncing her ping-pong ball.

It took him a minute to process, because it all just sounded utterly ridiculous.

"How?"

"Well," She began as she caught the ball on its way up. "She's not on US soil so it can't be held against her. Plus, they're like an hour ahead or something, so technically if she cheats, it doesn't really count here since it has yet to happen."

"You are so full of sh—"

"So what if she gets gang banged into the next century by a horde of deliciously good looking Brazilian men—"

"What the f-"

"—Because when she comes back," she picked up her cup. "She'll teach those fumbling virgin hands of yours a thing or two about pleasing a woman."

He could have sworn he saw her wink through her glasses as she took a swig.

Annoyed wasn't even the right word for how she made him feel at the moment. It went beyond just getting under his skin. He hated how easily she could read him without knowing him that well. Her quips made him angrier than they should have and he couldn't understand why.

Nero didn't want to think about it and decided to take his shot. The ball missed, hitting the rim of one of the cups and ricocheting off towards her. She was so swift in catching it that Nero blinked, taken aback by how fast her reflexes were. She made a toss using the same ball and it landed into one of his cups.

He was beginning to think she was lying to him about being a terrible shot.

"So, what's going on with you besides being a virgin?" Lady asked.

His eyebrow twitched.

"My virginity and its standing are none of your business," he grit.

She nodded. "Fair enough. For the record, I think it's nice that you're…how old? And still have your v-plates."

Nero had to resist the urge to fling the table at her. As it stood, he couldn't do much but glare, which resulted in her looking amused.

"She wants to wait…" He cast his gaze aside, "...or whatever," he mumbled lamely, scratching the bridge of his nose as heat and embarrassment took over his face.

"So, she wants you to wait until you put a ring on it?"

He looked up. A what?

Lady shook her head.

"What is it this time?" he asked.

"It's just when a girl says she wants to wait, it means that she's—"

"I don't want to know." It came out so rushed it sounded like a single phrase.

She opened her mouth to say something but Nero didn't want to hear it. Instead, he took his shot and made it.

"Yes!" He even sounded excited about it which didn't seem to impress Lady as she took another sip of her cup.

He could practically feel the eye-roll she was giving him on his small victory. But Nero didn't care. He'd made his first shot of the night and the way things were going he probably wouldn't make another one so this was his chance to get as much information out of her as possible. But what to ask her? She looked at him as she took another sip and set her cup down. She was waiting for him and he didn't know what to ask. He studied her face for a moment, hoping to be able to read _something_ off her, but nothing came and soon his gaze fell down her neck and towards her-

"They're real."

Nero blinked, then frowned because honestly, he wasn't like those perverted tools from earlier. "That wasn't my question," he said, angrily.

"Then ask one before the night's out," she said as she impatiently bounced a ping pong ball.

He sighed. His mind coming up with nothing that would make her confess something worthwhile.

"How do you know the infamous Sparda clan?" he asked, bored.

"Dante. College. Couldn't get rid of him since," she answered not missing a beat.

He snorted.

"Typical. What did you do? Feed him after midnight? Sleep with him?"

"Ew, no," she said, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"Ah, a woman with sense," he complimented. "A rare breed."

She bounced her ping pong ball. "But I banged Vergil though."

"And the respect I just gained for you has suddenly been lost."

She didn't seemed offended by what he said and just shrugged, throwing her ball and missing for the first time. Nero threw his next and made it. The young man didn't bother trying hiding a smug smirk.

"What's your real name?"

"Pass."

He almost did a double take. "You can't pass!"

"Fine then, Tracy."

He glared at her. "You're lying."

Lady shrugged, throwing her ball and landing in one of his cups.

"Yes!" she cheered.

"No!" he barked.

She pouted. "What?"

"You owe me an answer, Lady."

She gave him an exasperated sigh. "I _already _told you my name."

"I _don't _want your _stripper_ name. I want your _real _one." He spoke, punctuating his words so that she got the message loud and clear.

"Jesus Kid, it's not that important why don't you ask another—"

"POLICE!"

They both froze.

"RUN FOR IT!" some random drunk yelled.

Before the pair could react, a sea of panic-stricken college students rushed out towards the yard to escape, swarming them in the process. Nero was pushed every which way until he finally got some steady footing. He looked behind him and saw Lady, pushing her way against the crowd as she tried to go into the house.

"What are you doing?" he hollered after her, pushing his way through to get closer to her.

"I forgot something!"

"What?" He got close enough and grabbed her hand. "Forget it, let's go!"

She looked down at his hand holding hers before looking up to look inside the house.

"But, my grope money!"

"Oh for the love of!"

He couldn't be bothered as he pulled her towards him, using the force of the crowd to propel them forward as they ran out towards the yard. Once outside the crowd began to thin as people split up, climbing over fences, ducking into bushes and jumping into the near by lake. Nero spotted a neglected high fence in the distance and figured it was their best bet since no one else was bothering to climb it.

"Over there, we'll climb the fence." He pointed. "Come on."

When they got to the wooden fence he let go of her hand and watched their backs, making sure the cops weren't near by.

"Come on, Princess, I'll push you—"

When he turned around to help her up the fence, he was surprised to see her already at the top, a leg on each side as she straddled it.

"You coming or not?" she asked, swinging her remaining leg over to the other side.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he could only gape at her. He shook his head, snapping out of it and jumped, his hands catching the top of the fence as he pulled up his weight. Once at the top, she nodded, giving him the okay before they fell at the same time on the other side.

"Well, looks like we're in the clear," Nero said, dusting off his hands as he looked around the yard they were in.

"Let's hope so," Lady replied, brushing her self down.

Nero had to admit, he was impressed by her climbing the fence without his help. He didn't really peg her as the athletic type, considering how she dressed and carried herself. Though, now as he watched her adjust the length of her dress thanks to the soft moonlight, he could make out a nicely shaped thigh. Its firm muscle flexed as she pointed her foot, checking her leg for something or other he didn't care. She worked out, that much he could see, a runner he concluded as his eyes ran up the length of her leg and towards the swell of a well formed ass. Didn't seem like she was a stranger to squats either, he thought, tilting his head slightly as his eyes took in the curve of her ass some more.

She looked up at him from her lowered position, bi-colored eyes peeking up from tinted amber shades that danced lowly on the bridge of her nose. His cleared his throat, trying to act as though he wasn't just gawking at her a mere second ago.

"Did you hear that?" she asked, softly, her voice serious.

His brow frowned, not sure what she meant by that.

"What?"

A deep, almost guttural growl came from the darkness before them.

"Kid," She leaned up really, really slowly. "Shit just got real."


	4. Partners in Crime

**Note:** I know. Been FOREVER since I updated. But here's a new (long) chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>4.<p>

"Kid, shit just got real."

Four pairs of red eyes emerged from the darkness.

"Kid, on three," Lady whispered and Nero nodded, swallowing thickly as he watched the dogs approach.

"One…"

He tensed and got ready to hear her say 'two', but Lady suddenly sprinted forward, disappearing into the darkness.

"You cheating whore!" he yelled, dodging the group canines as they launched themselves at him.

Nero took off in a blind run, looking around the yard and finding it just one big expanse. He spotted Lady off ahead, running towards the white wooden fence that separated the yard and the rest of the neighborhood. He scowled, angry that she would just take off like that, leaving him behind to be practically eaten, but really, should he have expected much? He knew better than to trust her and like a complete dumbass he did and was paying the price in the form of four ravenous dogs snapping at his heels.

"I'm going to kill you Lady!" he hollered at her, leaping over a kitty pool.

"Not if the dogs eat your first!" she shouted back.

Something bumped against his leg, making him almost stumble. It was one of the dogs, who managed to get ahead of the pack. It snapped its jaw and growled. He cursed under his breath when the same noises were heard from behind. Great, he was going to get mauled to death and it wasn't even nine yet. As humorous as the thought of being ripped to shreds by four hungry looking rottweilers was, Nero had to think of an escape route fast. Any small move could literally cost him an arm or a leg.

He looked around, hoping to see something he could defend himself with. As it stood, the moonlight wasn't strong enough to highlight anything of value and he was stuck once again, thinking of what to do next as the dogs growled in intimidation. He could try to make a run for it and maybe kick a dog off if they managed to latch on. But before he could put his plan into action, an object hit one of the dogs right on the head. The dog whined and scampered off, the other three, however, quickly ran towards the direction in which the object came from.

His eyes followed and he spotted Lady, standing her ground as she readied her remaining shoe.

"Start running!"

With the dogs distracted enough, Nero ran as fast as he could toward the wooden fence. Lady on the other hand, was treating the dogs like bulls, dodging them with finesse and ease as they launched towards her, snapping their foaming jaws. One dog leaped high enough to tackle her, but Lady ducked in time and the animal ended up crashing into a heap of garden gnomes. Nero had half a mind to compliment her for her skill, but as it was, he was already at the fence, busy pulling himself up. She left him? It was only fair that he did the same to her.

He climbed up, swinging a leg over and dropping down onto the other side with ease. He turned at the sounds of more barking and he wondered if leaving her behind like that was really the right thing to do. After all, at the last minute she distracted the dogs long enough for him to make an escape. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. It wasn't so much the guilt that drove him to jump and pull himself up to see what was going on, he tried to convince himself, but more a morbid curiosity at seeing her being ripped apart. With that comforting thought in mind, Nero skimmed the yard, only he didn't have to look far as Lady reached the fence and pulled herself up. He tried to help her, pulling her over towards his side and he found out relatively quickly just how hard it was to keep his balance while dragging her to safety when they both ended up a pile of limbs on the ground.

Nero groaned at having someone practically land on top of him who seemed to be made out of hard muscle. Shit, weren't girls supposed to be all soft and gentle? It would be his luck to end up with a freaking She-Hulk in this type of situation.

"You okay?" Lady asked, groaning herself as she moved on top of him.

"Of course not!" he scrambled under her, trying to shove her off. "Can you get your fatass off me?"

Whether or not the act of her pressing her breasts up against him was deliberate, Nero tried his best to obscure any sign of an upcoming blush by slapping her hands away from him when she tried to get off.

"Is that anyway to talk to your hero?" she asked, getting up and looking around the ground. She sucked her teeth and he noticed that her sunglasses were missing. She probably lost them during the chase and he figured that was a good thing because now he can decipher her actions and thoughts better since he'll be able to make eye contact.

Lady dusted herself off. "Well this is turning out into a splendid evening."  
>"Yeah, it's been a blast," he snorted, getting up and fixing himself as well.<p>

"So, what do you want to do now?" he heard her ask as he checked his pockets for his things. It was a miracle he had everything.

"I was thinking of you going that way and me running away in the opposite direction screaming," he said, figuring that those would make great good times.

Lady raised a thin eyebrow.

"Calling it a night so early?" she placed a hand on her hip. "Well, I guess since it is past your bedtime."

Nero rolled his eyes. "I'm not calling it a night, yet." _It's just, I can't let my guard down when I'm with you_, he wanted to add but didn't because telling her something like that was the equivalent of bending over. He wasn't going to let her know because that was a sign of weakness and he was not going to let her think she was in a position of power over him.

"Shall we go?" And Nero nodded in reply, sighing as he walked ahead of her. He stopped after a couple of steps when he heard her clear her throat.

"What are you waiting for?" he asked, turning around to face her. "You change your mind? Want to go home and watch the Golden Girls or something?"

Lady crossed her arms over her chest. "Carry me."

Nero raised an eyebrow of his own, tilting his head. "What?"

She tapped her foot against the ground and he noticed that she was barefoot.

"Does it look like I'm in any condition to be walking around? What if I step on some glass?"

"Then take it out and suck it up. It won't be the end of the world. So get to stepping."

"Are you serious?"

He watched her pout like a spoiled child not getting her way and for a split second he thought it was a good look on her. Nero walked up to her, leaning down slightly, their faces some inches apart.

"I'm not carrying you," he said, and leaned right back up with a smirk once he saw her pout turn into a sour frown.

"So that's the thanks I get for sacrificing designer shoes and saving your life?" she asked looking up at him and he shrugged, not giving a damn about it.

What did she expect him to do? Worship her in gratitude? So she did him the favor of distracting the dogs for him to escape, big deal. Not like she was all that supportive when she took off running in the beginning, leaving him behind to defend himself. He didn't owe her anything if that was the case and he was tempted to bring all that up if it weren't for the fact that he wasn't in the mood to argue. So he held his tongue and thought that he would humor her just this once because despite the fact that she drove him crazy with her ill logic and self centered ways, he clearly had an advantage over her right now because he was wearing shoes. He might as well take this moment and bask in the glory.

He bent his knees slightly as he wrapped an arm behind her knees. He pushed up from the ground and slung her across his shoulders in a fireman's carry.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"I give into your demands and you still got the nerve to bitch and complain?"

"This isn't exactly what I was expecting when I asked to be carried," she said, looking at him with an angry pout. Though her annoyance was clearly written on her face, she didn't try to physically disengage from his grip.

"I never figured you to be the romantic type," he said as he started to walk towards the bright lights of the city. "Were you looking for me to carry you bridal style?"

He watched her jaw drop at the suggestion and she looked away from him, a mean pout on her lips and was that a faint shade of pink on those cheeks? Why, this little moment just kept getting better and better. He smirked, smug about making her embarrassed for once since the whole evening started.

"I was hoping more of a piggyback ride," she muttered, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"Deal with it."

He adjusted her body so that his shoulders were comfortable and he was surprised at how light she felt despite her feeling like a bag of bricks after she landed on him.

"You're lighter than what I thought you'd be," he said as a flippant afterthought.

"And you're not as much of a wuss than I thought you'd be," she replied.

Nero glared at her and she smirked. Two could play that game, but Nero didn't mind playing a little dirty. So while he looked at her he pretended to trip, losing his grip on her briefly and the look of utter horror on her face was well worth the discomfort of having her fingers digging into his shoulder from her death grip. The look she gave him afterward was almost murderous and he couldn't help but laugh as he watched a blush spread over the bridge of her nose.

"You asshole!" she barked.

"Come on, princess. You didn't think I was really going to drop you now. What sort of knight would I be?" he chuckled.

She chewed her bottom lip and looked away, probably fighting the red off her face.

Though he took pleasure in the fact that she was flustered, he knew that payback was a bitch and he wasn't going to push her any further. So, he ignored her glare when she had the courage to look back at him and kept on walking, declaring the past half hour a small, yet succulent victory.

* * *

><p>Nero began to see the bright lights of the city as he approached the outskirts. He thought maybe they would part their ways there, each mixing into the hustle and bustle of the streets, never to see each other again, but he knew that wouldn't happen. Not that he needed Lady or even wanted her as a companion for the night, but the way the cards of fate were being dealt, he knew there was a chance they would see each other again before the night was through. So why fight it? He was pretty sure something dumb and elaborate was going to happen to annoy him and make them meet again, so he might as well cut the middle man and stay with her. Why make things more difficult when being with her was already hard to begin with?<p>

At least she proved to be somewhat entertaining. He could insult her and not have her fly off the handle like most girls usually did. Then again, Lady wasn't most girls. She was a woman, a woman who knew how and when she wanted it and you'd be damned if you didn't know how to keep up, as she so eloquently proved earlier when she left him to be eaten alive. So Nero had a problem on his hands or rather, over his shoulders as he still carried her. He was dealing with a headstrong woman who didn't give a damn and somehow he had to keep her in check if he wanted to survive with his sanity intact through the night. Keeping her in line meant knocking her down a peg or two and Nero wasn't a stranger to ripping apart another person's pride. Lady was difficult if not, obnoxious, but that made the thought of knocking her down all the sweeter.

"You aren't falling asleep on me?" He asked, turning his head slightly to look at her. "Because I can take a detour and drop you off at a nursing home."

She looked at him, lips quirked in a smirk. "You're so sweet and considerate, thinking of me and my needs."

He read her sarcasm loud and clear and rolled his eyes.

"We're almost there," he said, as they got closer to the city lights and the streets began to look busier.

"Your fat ass is making my shoulders sore."

"You know, most men would pay to carry me," she said.

"Then most men are idiots."

"Considering how much I made back at the party from my grope bucket, I'm inclined to agree."

"I can't believe that actually worked," Nero said shaking his head.

"They were young, stupid, and drunk, how could it not have worked?"

He turned to look at her again. "Do you do this all the time?"

"What? Be carried? When I wear the right bra."

"No, you twit," he replied, clipped. "I mean, are you like this all the time?"

"Like what? I can't read your mind, kid."

Annoying, infuriating, sarcastic, mean, immature, Nero's mind listed all the traits he managed to get acquainted with so far and he was sure they weren't going to stop there. There was no way in hell that this was how she normally behaved, it was just too obnoxious and she was probably doing all of it on purpose because he was letting her.

"Well?"

"Forget it." He didn't feel like discussing the subject of her personality at length.

"Ah, look. Shoe store is open." She pointed to a store that was indeed open though no one seemed to be inside. It was late, so whoever was left in charge was probably getting ready to close for the night.

Nero continued on the block and crossed the street to reach the store.

"Finally!" he said, almost dumping Lady onto the ground.

"Hey!"

Nero didn't pay her any mind as he rolled his shoulders. Lady glared at him and went on ahead. The chime of the door immediately brought out a sullen looking guy who had a cap on and thick rimmed glasses.

"Sorry we're—"

The guy took one look at Lady and suddenly perked up.

"—open forever."

Nero rolled his eyes.

"Do you need help with anything?"

"No, just looking for now."

"Let me know if you need anything, like a shoe or my phone number."

"What?"

"You're super hot. What? Shut up. I'm going to disappear forever now."

The awkward man sunk back into the depths from which he came from, the back of the store. Lady didn't seem fazed by the man's behavior and went on to look around. Nero noticed her looking at some boots.

"I don't think those are the clear heels you're looking for. The stripper section is that way"

Lady looked up and began to chuckle.

"Oh my god, you're so clever that I can't even—"and she went back looking at the boots, completely ignoring him. Nero didn't know how to feel about that. He couldn't decide whether he felt offended or angry that she didn't even bother to insult him back. Or was he just insulted in a passive aggressive manner? He went to the other side of the store to think it over.

Lady was glad the kid took the hint and went to the other side of the room. She looked at the row of Doc Martens and spotted a short dark red one. She picked up the boot and looked toward the back of the store.

"Can I get these in a seven-and-a-half?"

The sounds of boxes crashing forth as the awkward store employee tried to rush out could be heard.

"Y-yeah. I'll get those for ya," he said, nodding and going back inside to get them.

Lady put the boot down, shaking her head and looked off to see where Nero was. The kid was just looking around, not doing much. She didn't bank on meeting anyone at the wedding. Lady was used to flying solo and making her own fun, which involved leaving young men behind to feed crazy dogs because it was funny. She only saved him because he had the ability to deliver some zingers her way. He proved to be entertaining and she liked that he got angry a lot because it reminded her of Vergil.

She smiled fondly at the thought of her ex-boyfriend. Oh Vergil. She wished he'd come instead of being trapped in Italy with the old prostitute she bought him. She really wanted to make him happy and had hoped the man was having a wonderful time being molested by a sixty year old woman that gave yoga instructors a run for their money.

Her gaze momentarily wondered off towards Nero again and she found herself staring when he turned. She immediately went back to looking at the row of boots. He looked too much like Vergil and Dante, too much to be however distant of a cousin he claimed to be. Not only were his looks incriminating to the fact, but also his personality. He seemed to act like Vergil in certain regards, from not trying to put up with her bullshit to putting up with her bullshit anyway and being grumpy about it. But he also had some of Dante's quirks, like the snark and the cocksure way he carried himself. He was their hybrid butt baby and the thought just made Lady snort a laugh so hard that she dropped a boot she was looking at. Nero looked over to her with a raised eyebrow and Lady cleared her throat, putting the boot back in place as she banished the hilarious thought of Vergil being Nero's overbearing mother while Dante chilled and relaxed, sipping on some beer.

"Here you go."

She looked up to see the shoe clerk offering her boots in a box.

"Seven-and-a-half as you requested."

Lady gave him a small smile and took the offered box.

"Um, do you need help? I know those boots are hard to break in sometimes."

Lady looked at him and then at the boots as she considered his offer.

"They aren't the long ones so I don't see the point, but I wouldn't mind your help."

This brought a smile on the clerk's face as he guided her towards the chairs. She sat down and he immediately knelt to help her get the boots on. The first boot got on no problem as Lady managed to slip her foot in without trouble. She struggled a bit with the second, biting her lip as she tried to pull the boot up rather than push her foot down. The clerk tried to get her to stop, his hands on the boot as he tried to wrestle it off her foot.

"Wait, I think I got it," she grit. The clerk tried to push the boot in, hoping to trust her word on it working. He accidentally leaned forward, one of his hands slightly brushing the back of her leg, a rather sensitive spot behind her knee and Lady let out a surprised laugh and with it a reflexive surprised kick. The young clerk was knocked out cold. Lady could only stare, eyes wide.

"What the hell is going on?"

She finally registered Nero's voice and looked up at him to see the look of horror on his face.

"What did you do to him?"

"It was an accident! Why do these things keep happening to me?" she asked herself.

"This sort of thing has happened before?"

She watched him kneel down to check on the clerk. Lady slipped the boot on, pushing her foot this time and it slipped on like a glove. Well look at that. It fit. She then joined Nero on the floor.

"How is he?"

"Not dead," Nero replied after checking his pulse.

"Well that's good," she sighed in relief though she couldn't ignore the glare Nero was giving her.

"What?"

"What happened?"

"He was helping me out with the boot," she began. "And he sort of brushed against my knee or something and I kicked him out of reflex."

"Who the hell does that?" he barked.

"I'm ticklish!" she snapped back.

The pair glared at each other with the unconscious man between them.

"We have to call an ambulance," Nero said, breaking away from her stare and getting his cell phone. Lady's eyes widened and she reached over and snapped the phone he'd opened shut.

"Sorry, I can't have you do that."

"What?" He opened his phone again and she snapped it shut. He glared at her and opened it again.

"Listen, I have a rap sheet as long as your hair is white."

She watched as he raised an eyebrow.

"Just kidding, but seriously, no cops," she said reaching for his phone again, but he pulled it back.

"Go away."

It was her turn to raise an eyebrow. "Give me the phone."

"No."

She leaned over and he leaned back, soon they struggled. With Nero on his belly trying to crawl away with his arm extended as far away as possible and Lady on his back, trying her best at avoiding his teeth as she pawed her way up his form to get the phone, the pair looked like they were in a wrestling match.

"Give it to me," Lady grit.

"No, get off me!" he snapped back. She stopped her movement which made him stop. He turned around to face her though she was still straddling him.

"I'm going to flash my tits at you."

"Why, so I can see how low they reach your knees?" he asked amused.

Lady reached to pull down the top of her dress down when he surrendered the phone, a slight pink flush on his cheeks.

"That's what I thought," she said, getting off him and standing up. "Wuss," she muttered under her breath as she moved to walk, but almost tripped as his foot shot out to clip her. She immediately turned around to glare at him and he shrugged a smug smirk on his lips.

"We need to get rid of him and cover our tracks," she said, tossing the phone back to Nero after he got up.

"And where exactly are we going to put him?" he asked.

"We'll just shove him in the back or something. Hopefully he'll wake up later and think this was all a dream."

Nero nodded, going over to the clerk. Now he was involved in covering up her assault, what would Kyrie think if she saw him now? The young man picked the knocked out clerk up while Lady picked up the man's feet.

"Lot of dead weight, huh," Lady said as they made their way towards the back.

"That's what happens when you render someone unconscious," he replied.

"I'm pretty sure I didn't kick him that hard," she said. "His neck didn't snap."

Nero decided he wasn't going to ask. The woman was insane and he didn't need more proof of it.

They set the man down in a chair and Nero looked around the office. He thought it was going to be a mess full of papers and probably boxes of shoes. He was surprised the guy kept the place neat. He spotted a small television that showed the front of store and he immediately knew they had a problem. The assault was probably on tape and could be used against them if the guy ever wanted to press charges. Nero didn't have a record. As much as people assumed him to be the bad boy type he was actually a decent guy, the kind that crossed old grandmothers across the street and gave up his seat on the bus for women. Lady was a different story. She already proved to have a questionable background when she refused to have him call for help. And the fact that she practically donkey kicked a man into unconsciousness without any remorse.

The sound of something metal clicking made him turn his attention towards her. He caught sight of some handcuffs and watched her handcuff the clerk from behind.

"Where the hell did you get those?"

"Look, don't worry about it. We need to clean up shop and get out of here. Did you figure out how to get the security tape?"

Nero looked back at the television. It didn't have a computer near it, so he searched around the desk, hoping to find something that would lead to the recording device.

"While you do that, I'll go erase any other evidence out front."

He nodded while not looking at her. After a few moments he found what he was looking for, an old VCR that had seen better days. He popped the tape out and looked at it. How the hell was he supposed to? Fuck it. He pulled the shiny ribbon out and ruined the tape before crushing it. He tossed it out and went back to the VCR and unplugged it. He decided to leave the desk as clean of evidence as possible when the sight of Lady on the small television caught his eye. The woman had managed make the place look like no one had ever been there. And that would've been enough, but now he could see her popping open the register and taking out money. He frowned. Assault and now robbery? Did she ever stop? Making sure the unconscious clerk wasn't going to get up anytime soon, Nero left the office and joined Lady at the front of the store.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm taking cash since you didn't let me go back for my grope bucket money," she said with a shrug.

"Are you serious?"

"Look, we're just borrowing the money," she gave him a stack of twenty dollar bills. He did not want any of it and pushed her hand away. "I promise I'll pay it back."

He looked at her as she smirked and something told him that Lady and promises weren't meant to be mixed.

"You can take the money. I'm not having any of it," he said walking away from her.

"Fine," she replied, helping herself to a Hello-Kitty wallet from the display behind the counter. She took the tags and alarm off and stuffed the money in there.

"You ready to go thief?" he asked, already by the door.

Lady took some aviator sunglasses and placed them on her head before joining him. Nero rolled his eyes. Great, sunglasses again, he'd rather she not have them at all.

"Do your nights normally include assault and robbery?" he asked as they left.

Lady shrugged.

"Not usually. Just the cards we were dealt with tonight."


End file.
